Tehanu by Ursula LeGuin, 1990.
But again I admire LeGuin's desire to integrate issues like patriarchy and child abuse into this high fantasy universe she's created, and in most ways she does succeed. There is nothing knee-jerk about her depiction of gender differences.
"Is [magic] different, then, for men and for women?"
"What isn't, dearie?"
"I don't know," said Tenar. "It seems to me we make up most of the differences, and then complain about 'em."
One of my favorite LeGuin quotes is about "making love, for love needs to be made over and over, like bread." I thought it was from this book, but I guess not. Well, that's a good excuse for re-reading all the rest of my LeGuin collection. I had a hard time getting through Always Coming Home, which is not so much a book as a hodgepodge, and I never finished any of her regular fiction--time for another try. One more quote:
A few [village witches], having wisdom though no learning, used their gift purely for good, though they could not tell, as any prentice wizard could, the reason for what they did, and prate of the Balance and the Way of Power to justify their action or abstention. "I follow my heart," one of these women had said to Tenar when she was Ogion's ward and pupil. "Lord Ogion is a great mage. He does you great honor, teaching you. But look and see, child, if all he's taught you isn't finally to follow your heart."
Tenar had thought even then that the wise woman was right, and yet not altogether right; there was something left out of that. And she still thought so.